Saturday, December 30, 2006
I-Steam™: The Highly-Esteemed Award-Winning Steaming Device from The Loser Image©
Today, I announce the establishment of my company The Loser Image© The company will focus on marketing kitchen gadgetry that was spontaneously developed during cooking activity.
Our first product is the I-Steam™ -developed today upon the discovery of a metal bowl with holes in the kitchen. The I-Steam™ is used to steam food. Though LoserChef first steamed today, he quickly realized how this kind of cooking activity is so efficient (saves energy, time, and other resources during cooking and by requiring less utensils to be washed afterwards), healthy (no fat needed), and perfect for creating tasteless dishes (though I have to admit things taste better when steamed than cooked otherwise).
I-Steam™ was awarded the "Cooking Invention of the Year" award by the LoserCat brothers. The brothers also decided, in silence, that they held high esteem for the device and considered it a breakthrough for the human and cat races.
Ingredients: [Left] Leftover Turkish pilaf, peeled parsnip (a wondeful veggie also discovered today), onion
[Right]: Leftover Turkish pilaf, squash, eggplant, leftover chickpeas, cucumber.
To order I-Steam™, the highly-esteemed, critically-acclaimed steamer from The Loser Image© with award winning design, don't wait, call now or visit our showroom in Brooklyn today. Only one left in stock!
Friday, December 29, 2006
Orange Alert: Miserability High
Ingredients: Squash, olive oil, tofu, whole wheat flour, ginger.All cooked in a pan after heating olive oil a tad. This represents squash take 2 and it was pretty okay. Flour was added last and it was observed that it rapidly absorbed the oil. This also represents the first experience with flour.
Flour is an interesting concept. Having bought a whole bunch of fancy whole wheat flour (of course without any premeditation; see manifesto), I'm excited to see the flour-involving consequences of my random and spontaneous behavior in the kitchen in the coming days.
Coming up soon: LoserChef burns the neighborhood down in his first attempt to use the oven (that inside part, not the top).
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Eggplant take #3 (plus Squash take #1)
Here's my third attempt at cooking eggplant. Pretty much all of them failed, which means success for LoserChef. This time around, I boiled it in water for a long time. This is also my first attempt at cooking Squash. Other ingredients here are olive oil, garlic, fresh ginger slices, and celery. I saved the juice left from this, and drank it later; it's very nutritious. I'm on a sugar-, mold-, and ferment-free diet (been 3 days) which means no dairy, cheese, bread, sweets (I'm not trying to lose weight at all, but to kill a bad yeast in my gut called Candida. I don't know if it's there but I'll just do this anyway to make sure since I've been having GI problems recently). And add to that the months of LoserChef style cooking I've been doing and you can guess that my tongue has pretty much adapted to the raw taste of everything. So, what you find disgusting, I no longer do. Sunday, December 24, 2006
Chuckplant
Ingredients: Chicken drum sticks, buckwheat (a.k.a. kasha grain), eggplant, garlic, olive oil. I boiled the chicken in water for a long time. The cats didn't eat it, but I took the risk again. Buckwheat was leftover from breakfast. It was the first time I cooked buckwheat (and without instructions), so it tasted horrible (I'm also on a sugar-free diet, so I could not put honey on it). It was also the first time I ever bought eggplant. I sliced it and grilled it (with some sliced garlic) in the "George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine" that a friend had bought me as a gift. Rarely use that thing but it's pretty cool. It didn't grill as good as I hoped it would. Basically, I ate a semi-raw eggplant. I guess tomorrow I'll try eggplant in the pan.
Anyway, chicken-buckwheat-eggplant make a chuckplant. My next dish will be "fuckplant," made of something that starts with "f," duck, and eggplant.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Chokra -introducing the LoserCat brothers
Ingredients: Chicken liver, onions, olive oil, frozen cut okra, small tortilla.Name of the dish is Chokra (chicken + okra). So tastless that it touches your chakra...
Oh, I usually don't cook meat, and I had never handled chicken liver. Therefore, I tested it on our pets. They didn't eat the cooked chicken liver (what kind of a cat doesn't?). So, I was pretty nervous given the recent E. Coli outbreaks all over the U.S. I'm alive so far.
The pets are two cats (brothers). They will be featured in LoserChef from time to time (I plan to cook them eventually). They were never named. But from now on they will be called LoserCat1 (left) and LoserCat2 (right).
Fish (too salty)
I bought fish, I cooked it, it was way too salty, I dumped it into trash. What am I supposed to do? Wash the fish? It already comes from the ocean, it's washed. Where did all that salt come from? Did humans add it? Anybody know? I have more of this fish. Please let me know before it rots. Monday, December 04, 2006
Heat and Eat: Peans
Ingredients: butter beans, whole green peas, soymilk.Dump all in pan simultaneously. Heat, and then eat. If needed, vomit properly in bathroom.
Projects in preparation:
-LoserChef shoots own cooking video documentary
-LoserChef writes song about cooking
-LoserChef applies to real cooking competition, is not even allowed to attend and lose.
Chiky Chiky Dofu: The Garlic-Honey Coalition
Ingredients: Tofu, olive oil, onions, garlic, wheat germ, clover honey, lettuce.A tiny bit of olive oil is heated in a small pan. Onions and garlic are chopped and placed in the pan. Let them burn so they're kinda brown. Place the tofu in the pan but don't wait till its black or brown (just yellowish white). Wheat germ goes in plenty. Aaaaaaand, add clover honey while still cooking. Let cook and mix well.
Serve hot, wrap in lettuce, chiky chiky babe style.
Garlics got along well with honey, unlike with pineapple.
